Update: My Return💪

Hi everyone,

it’s been a while Since I’ve been here but I had to take a break and focus on myself and becoming a better version of myself and focussing on my physical and mental health which I’m proud to say that I’ve come a long way from where I used and have changed in a good way and are a better version of myself.

I still have a long way to go but I know I can achieve all these things and continue to progress which is making me happier and prouder of myself.

I’ve been back at college since September studying Public services level 3 as I did level 2 which I had passed and I got Grade B in GCSE English which I am so proud about and makes me think more positive. I’m getting my GCSE Maths result on January 12th which I’m feeling very positive about.

Overall I’m doing really well in college and have achieve and delveloped as a person a lot and I am going to continue being successful no matter what.

I’ve grown as a person and I cant wait to see what the future holds. I can see my future so much clearer now, possibly clearer than aI ever have and it’s going to be amazing!!

-Dark Angel- ❤️❤️

Was it really the end? 

Hi amazing people,

So looks like I’m back here again.
The reason I left was because I found it hard to cope with the everything that was happening in my life and i found it hard to cope woth everyones posts which just built up started to bury me under.

It made me feel like i was failing you all when you deserve better than that.

I also took a break from blogging due to other personal reasons which i realised that they are not going anywhere and other problems just come along to add onto it so ive come to accept it will always be bad but i can never show it fully to people.

Anyway i just wanted to say Hi and I hope you all have been well.

-Broken Angel-

The end of this journey!

Hey everyone,

Broken Angel here. I’m really sorry I haven’t been active recently, I’ve just lost control 0f my life mostly and I’ve done a lot of things which I regret….a lot of damage which I never had the intention of doing. 

I’ve done more damage in a week than most people could do in a month which I’m ashamed about.

It just all happened so fast that I didn’t realise it until it was done which I feel so bad about so I’m really very sorry to anyone I have upset or anything like that.

I’ve made people think I’m selfish and that I’m using them when I’m not. It was never my intention to do any of that. Anyone I’m really sorry, I’m not the person I want and need to be.

I’m sad to say this but I’m giving up blogging at least for now. I may or may not come back to this so I don’t want to leave anything unsaid so,

Firstly, I’m sorry about all this and I really will miss all of you amazing people, stay strong, don’t give up the fight. I will get better one day!!❤

Secondly, I want you all to know that even though I never got the chance to know you all personally (which would have been great to do) but no matter what I will always care about all of you strong, independent people.

I am proud of you all no matter if you are 0 days free or 2 years free from self harming because I know you are strong and I know you will win this war!!

I wish you all an amazing future and all the happiness in the world because you deserve it!!

Take care butterflies, I know you’ll fly into an amazing future xx

Mental health help

Yesterday I got a call from the phycology team which are part of the community mental health team.

I found out I’ve been referred to them so now it’s the waiting game but I feel like they can’t even help me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m beyond help.

I know a friend who’s with the phycology department in the community mental health team and she told me about her experience with them so far which was positive but I’m scared that they will just neglect me or won’t understand or listen.

Anyone who has had a similar experience to what I am going through at then moment, I’d love to hear then.

Thank you for reading amazing butterfly. ❤

-Broken Angel-

Quest to become healthy Pt 1 

This morning I had my live well session which is basically there to help me and people like me loose weight, eat healthier and maintain that good weight. 

Each week we are weighed before the session starts which I am glad to say I have lost 200g of weight already when this was the first proper session, as the first one was the entry interview. 

Also, have to set realistic targets each week that we need to try and achieve. Mines were to try and eat breakfast 4 days per week as I eat it for like 1 day week currently. My second target was to try and eat 3 meals per day for at least 3 days per week. 

I hope by the end of the 12 sessions I would have lost more than 5% of my body weight but if I loose 5% I’ll still be proud of myself as that’s the target.

I feel like I was such an awkward and shy person there and felt a little uncomfortable as everyone there was older than me and my anxiety kicked in quite a bit. 

However, I am proud to say I found a little confidence to speak a little even though I don’t think anyone could hear me which I feel embarrassed and paranoid about as well as my weight even though we were all in a similar position and if was a all female session.

For me I hope this would make me feel better about myself and my weight and would keep me motivated in exercising and eating the right amount of foods even when I’m down and depressed.

I don’t want to feel body concious and have low self esteem and self confidence because of my weight so I can proudly say I’m getting out there and getting help. 

This goes to show if you’re like me and want to loose weight or gain weight to help make you feel more confident about it then go for it because I believe you can do it no matter what.

If anyone want to talk about something similar to this topic or something completely different then you can email me on (Samia_Iqbal1997@yahoo.com) or comment below for other social media accounts you would like to contact me on. 

I’d get back to you as soon as possible.

Thank you for reading beautiful butterfly and I hope you are having a good morning, evening, afternoon or night depending on where in the world you live.

-Broken Angel-

Shoutout ❤

​I think the people who do stuff like vlogging (ie. YouTube clips) and blogging and volunteering at chat lines and other forms of help for people are amazing.

Also, charities help a lot of people who reply on the donations of the public so basically I’m proud and respect people who helps others.

I have so much respect for people who use different strategies to help people with things like mental health issues, abuse, bullying, suicide and many more things which can result in a person being harmed that may sadly lead to death.

I just want to say to all you amazing people who support other and help others that you are doing such an amazing thing and I can’t explain how proud I am of all of you special people.

I know a few people who do exactly this so shout out to them as well as shout out to all the ones around the world I don’t know personally. The support you give does save lives so keep up the good work.

-Broken Angel- xx

Who are you? 😐

I hate it when people have such high expectations for you and you are going your best to achieve them but it’s never good enough, no matter how hard you try there’s always something wrong and you’re made to feel like your never good enough and never will be.

By this time you are completely drained out and exhausted and you’ve just had enough of those people who are always bring you down and your trying to break the chains but a hand always holds you back.

A face, a figure that looks like ones of an angels but if you look closer you see the deception of their looks and see their true colours, their true form.

Then you realise over time that you were looking at it all wrong, you thought you saw an angel when in reality, it was the devil hiding behind the mask of an angel.

You gave everything you had but it was never enough. They wanted every pieces of your soul to destroy which was what they got.

Now you are empty and alone in this place they call home with nothing to see, no one to turn to. 

Betrayal comes in many forms but the ones in the form of an angel are the ones who will end your happiness and leave you will emptiness. 

-Broken Angel- 

High school suicide 😭

​Today I found out something sad and heartbreaking news which got to me and affected me a lot.

In the high school I used to attend a girl commited suicide because she was being bullied and became depressed which bought back memories for when i was in that high school and when I was picked on and bullied in the same college which resulted in me attempting to commit suicide but it only made me very sick but never killed me.

This shouldn’t be happening, none if this should be happening in this world and it’s soo sad that we live in a world that shows more hate than love.     

This shouldn’t be happening in this world but sadly it is and I want to make a difference and take a stand. I don’t a care about government cuts.This is so important so instead of spending money getting the London Eye and other shit cleaned they need to make funding for this.

I’m going to start a petition to increase support and education on anxiety, mental health issues etc…. and want it to start being taught to children at a younger age as well as the mental health teams working in partnership with schools, colleges and universities with the hope that it would decrease suicidal rates.

Also, students behaviour being observed more closely, and the different year groups being observed so bullying can be found out at early so the bullies can be taught about the consequences of their   actions. 

Also the bullies getting help/therapy, as it may be due to some unresolved emotional issues which they have problems with expressing in correct ways, then punished which would hopefully decrease bullying. 

-Broken Angel-

My story ❤

Silence struck like a murder in the night which was never heard.

The demons awaken now, paralyse my body.

Take control while I’m with nobody,

I scream out for help with no end in sight, but they strangle me with their words, 

Leaving me suffocated and alone.

I am no longer me but a rage full loner walking this earth with no fear to be seen, no emotions to be shown.  

I am stone cold, empty loner who feels but does not show.     

A torture and abuser by the night but the only person I’ve torture and abuse is myself with new battle wounds,sad songs and to let me soul be taken from me to be bruised and destroyed by my demons of the night.

-Broken Angel- 

Broken Heart, Broken Soul 😩

My mother tried to hurt me again when I tried to get my phone back from her a few moments ago and threatened me again. 

She was laughing when I tried getting it off her and tried to push me down the stairs to stop me from getting it from her hand.

I succeeded in getting it after a struggle. People say I shouldn’t say I hate her but how can I not hate someone like her who threatens me and tries to hurt me and makes my mental health worse because I don’t let me control my life anymore.

I just want to be in peace and not feel this pain anymore so I can be free to be me but i guess that’s not going to happen. Maybe the voices in my head and the figures I see are right. Maybe I should join them and I’ll finally be in peace. 

I’ll be dead yet I’d be alive and won’t be in any physical or mental pain anymore. I’d be free to be me with no one to judge me or tell me I’m not good enough.

I guess life isn’t for everyone and everyday of my life I believe this a little more until one day all the hope and belief would be completely lost in black hole of destruction of death and then I will know it’s time for me to go.

Until then I will walk on this earth with the little hope I have left, hoping I will find a place I can truly call home. 

-Broken Angel-